10 Signs of Emotional Manipulation and How to Deal With It
Some years back, I was with a man who at first appeared to be everything I wanted, till I discovered his dark side. It started with him being overprotective to subtle criticism disguised as jokes until I discovered that these were signs of manipulation and I was being manipulated.
Emotional manipulation is often very difficult to discern at first till it eventually takes the form of wanting to have some control or advantage over your partner at all times. If you always feel defenseless, confused or misunderstood when dealing with someone, here are signs to help you know if you’re emotionally manipulated.
Signs That Indicate Emotional Manipulation
- THEY SUBTLY CRITICISE YOUR EVERY ACTION
If you discover you always try extra hard because your actions are never good enough for them, then there’s a very high possibility you’re being emotionally manipulated. This action makes you doubt your abilities and chip away at your confidence.
- THEY PLAY VICTIM AT All TIMES
I remember having issues with my then-ex, and I always ended up being the bad guy in their story. The moment they start to blame you for how they react, rather than accept they are wrong, you should know you’re dealing with a manipulative person. They also enjoy talking about how people always hurt them, just to make you feel sorry for them. Sometimes, it’s just a trap, and one of the signs of emotional manipulation.
- ALWAYS WANTING YOU TO PROVE YOUR LOYALTY
Do you constantly try to prove that you are loyal to them? This is a solid sign of manipulation, especially when you always have to explain your movements or who you communicated with. It is a toxic and highly manipulative move by narcissists who always want you to prove yourself to them while they don’t reciprocate.
- GASLIGHTING IS THEIR TOOL
Perhaps the biggest reason I ended things with my partner was that I was starting to doubt my sanity. Whenever an event happened, he would try to act like it never did, making me question reality. If, like me, you often feel this way whenever you try to confront your partner about certain issues, then that is a sign of emotional manipulation.
- THEY USE YOUR WEAKNESS AGAINST YOU
If you are in the middle of an argument with your partner or friend and they bring up a weakness of yours, it is a sure sign of manipulation. Most times, they expertly bring it up and then try to act like it was unintentional so that they can win the argument. The moment you start to feel bad for ever opening up about those weaknesses, then you are being emotionally manipulated.
- DISPLAY PASSIVE AGGRESSION
One of the biggest red flags my ex displayed was always being passive-aggressive. Whenever we had issues, he would rather give me the silent treatment than talk things out. If you experience this, then you are dealing with an emotional manipulator. They would rather avoid confrontation and resort to cold behavior or insults masked as apologies. Their apologies are usually nothing but excuses for why they acted the way they did.
- THEY ARE EXPERTS AT LYING
Emotional manipulators are very good at lying. Even when you’ve caught them red-handed, they continue to lie and twist things until you believe them and doubt your evidence against them.
- WANTING TO CONTROL YOUR ACTIONS
It may seem cute at first when they try to choose what you should wear, eat, or places to go. However, don’t be deceived. This is a subtle act that manipulators use in controlling your actions. At this point, you have absolutely no say over things because they would always try to convince you to choose whatever they want.
- THEY DON’T MIND EMBARRASSING YOU
If your partner or friend isn’t afraid of embarrassing you, especially in public places, then they are being manipulative. This is worse when they know you hate unnecessary attention and scenes. Emotionally manipulative people use such situations to their advantage because they know you can’t react or defend yourself in such scenarios.
- THREATS BECOME A REGULAR ACT
If you find that your relationship seems like walking on eggshells, you probably are being manipulated. Whenever you hear words like “Do things this way, or else I’ll do this or that to you,” then you’re dealing with a highly manipulative person. These people like to issue threats just to have some form of control over you.
7 Ways to Deal With Emotional Manipulation
- IDENTIFY THAT YOU’RE BEING MANIPULATED
The very step towards dealing with emotional manipulation is to know that you’re being manipulated. Once you become self-aware, it becomes easy to break out of this situation and find peace with yourself.
- CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS
Emotionally manipulative people feed off your emotions and use these against you. When dealing with one, always put your emotions in check. Avoid being overly vulnerable with them because they feed on this weakness and use it as means of control over you.
- TALK TO YOUR PARTNER
You can sometimes deal with emotional manipulation by talking to the manipulative person. Sometimes, manipulative people may not be aware that they’re being manipulative. If this is the case, you can talk to them and get them to seek a therapist.
- SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
Emotional manipulators hate when their victims start to slip away from their grasp. Ensure that you set healthy boundaries about certain things and be extra firm about it. If they decide to make you feel like you’re overreacting, restate the fact that you don’t or wouldn’t appreciate being treated a certain way.
- CALL THEM OUT ON THEIR ACTIONS
Most emotionally manipulative people hate to be corrected. It is not enough to know they are manipulative and try to deal with it. Whenever you find yourself in a situation where they try to exert that toxic control over you, let them know you are aware of their tactics and will not condone it.
- BREAK AWAY FROM SUCH A RELATIONSHIP
After trying hard to make my ex know he wasn’t being a good partner with positive changes, I knew the best option was to leave the relationship. Sometimes trying to reach out to these types of people is often pointless. For some, this is a normal way of life, and they’re not willing to change. In such a case, you have to make a strong resolve and back out of such relationships
- SEEK HELP
Emotional manipulation causes a lot of damage to its victims. Sometimes, breaking out of such relationships does not help fix your chipped confidence, low-self esteem, or trust issues. You need to see help by sharing your experience with someone you trust. When you share a problem, you feel a certain level of relief. If that is not enough, you can go ahead to seek professional help in the form of a counselor or therapist.